1.) Holding hands during prayer:
Okay I know that holding hands during prayer or whatever is supposed to be good for helping people join together in unity or whatever, but it just makes me feel weird. I mean if we are honest you're never really comfortable with holding hands with someone you know, much less holding some strangers hand! And i don't know if it is just me but i always seem to get stuck with the person who has the special ability to sweat profusely whether it is hot, cold or just right in the room. I know I am not alone as I have confirmed that this scenario has played itself out many times among different people! And when it boils down to it, holding hands during prayer does not bring me closer to the guy standing next to me. All I am thinking about is how this seems to be the longest prayer that I have ever heard!
2.) Not being able to call someone out for farting during worship:
I don't know who else has been sing during worship and out of nowhere got blindsided by someones taco special they had the night before. It seems like in church you are supposed to just act like there is no fart. You know what though maybe you can use this situation to your advantage...let me explain. Say you are in service worshiping and then a fart hits you from out of the blue, I say maybe you should just breath deep because if it is bad enough maybe you will tear up and people will be thinking "wow look how powerful a time that person is having right now". And who can't use a few extra church service points? You don't become head usher just for smelling great...though that does help. ;-)
3.) Saying or talking about the "S" word:
So, I don't know when this happened but somewhere along the way it became taboo to say or really even talk about the "S"word...and no not "sanctification". I am talking about sex. You think I'm joking? Just tell someone you are going to start a study on Song of Solomon and watch for the sweat to start dripping from the forehead of you brother or sister. It seems funny to me that, especially in youth groups, that talking about pornography and sex is radical. Here is a news flash for the youth group leaders...most of your students probably talked about stuff more in-depth before they came to youth group. Now a days all you gotta do is turn the TV on for 10 mins and you will know more about sex than you will ever learn your entire life in church. All I gotta say is that there is a whole book about passion, sex, and love in the Bible and God sure as heck isn't embarrassed about it! I mean God put stuff in the Bible that would make some of the romance novels out there look tame.
4.) Being the only person to shout or clap:
Now I know that this does not only happen in Church but I thought i would add this in. Have you ever been the person or heard the person that was the only one to clap or shout after the pastor said something in church? I know I have been that person and have heard that person. Now if you were the one who clapped or shouted you may feel like you were a little to excited when you shouldn't have been...I mean no one else did ANYTHING. Or you may be worried about being labeled the crazy person in the church who shouts for the sake of making noise. But let tell you what the other people are really thinking. After you shout or clap everyone else is thinking that maybe they missed something. Oh, sure there may be that initial thought of "oh, that person is crazy" but just wait and it will start to gnaw at the subconscious and they will start thinking about how they missed something during the teaching. Now here is the important part...if you end up being the one who claps or shouts at the wrong time just start making a habit of it. Start clapping and shouting at random times and act very confident and interested in what the pastor is saying and people will start to think they are missing great insights. If you want to add a little flare to this technique scribble a few notes after shouting or clapping, it can say anything it's not like there going to see your notes. And if you fail at doing this well what have you got to lose? I mean you are already the weird shouter-clapper person anyway!
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